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Saving our kids from sexual predators –Sexual violence against children has been in news more and more in the coming years. It is not that this is a recent happening, it has always been there but with increasing awareness, its reporting has increased too. All the parents are talking to their kids about good touch and bad touch, deciding upon passwords and monitoring their independence. Howsoever, there are certain things which need to be known by all parents to make the above techniques successful.
First is to make your child have trust in you. Most of the times, kids do not report such incidents to their parents due to a fear of not knowing how they would react. If you are a parent who reacts too quickly and harshly for trivial issues, you cannot expect your child to relate to you any untoward incidents if they happen. Being sexually molested or abused is a very strange feeling and it makes the kids confused about how they should feel about it, hence they may talk to you about this only if they have been provided the freedom of talking about anything under the sun to you, without any fear of prejudices or extreme reactions.
Second, is being accessible to your kids at all times, in whatever ways they need you. Spending some quality time with them chatting nonchalantly about your day and theirs, can bridge the gap and keep an open channel during times of any distress. So whatever, the other demands of life, find time for your kids, no matter what!
Thirdly, teaching your kids the skill of assertion, the art of placing their demands in front of even the elders in a polite but firm manner, this will help them protect themselves when in a threatening situation. So, listening to your child and not bullying him into giving in to your demands just because you are a parent or an older person, shall make him more confident of standing up for himself if he feels something to be wrong with another person’s behavior and dislikes it.
Lastly, most sexual offenders threaten kids with causing harm to their mothers or fathers or siblings to keep them quiet. So, you need to tell your kids that you are self sufficient and can take care good care of yourself. If howsoever, someone threatens in this manner, their coming and warning you about the same will not cause you harm rather it will help you prepare yourself and avert any danger to him or any family member.
In essence, a strong child – parent relation will go a long way in protecting our kids from sexual predators.
The Blue Whale Game has got everyone worried and all the parents alert. whatever the age, all parents are telling their children not to download the game, restricting and monitoring the mobile phone usage of their kids whatever the age. The real challenge though is to realize that something will always be there and we cannot monitor our kids all the time, everywhere. Its more important for us to understand what makes our young minds get involved and attracted with such things in the first place and how to prevent the same.
The Blue Whale game and many others like this, pull our kids into them by using two key psychological determinants of an adolescent mind’s psyche. The first is Curiosity and the second is – Thrill Seeking!
Curiosity is the most powerful determinant for a young mind to experiment with something novel and mysterious. whether it is cannabis use in college or late night drinking parties, its all done to satiate an element of curiosity.
Thrill seeking is the second pivotal phenomenon of an adolescent personality which makes one put societal norms at bay, seeking adventure, a high, a thrill and putting one in danger sometimes whether driving in high speeds or playing such games.
But, as they are a natural element of an adolescent mind’s psyche, we cannot abolish them or regulate them altogether. Though, if we can teach them the skill of exploration in a safe and controlled manner from an early age, it shall definitely help when the curiosity seeks attention of some dangerous activity in adolescent years by engaging in risky situations more responsibly and safely.
Thrill seeking can also be made more responsible by teaching kids to confide in ourselves from the early years of nascent learning. Letting them know that we as parents find it acceptable to know, understand and share their enthusiasm for such things, shall make them more trusting in relating to us of such matters and if we can teach them the art of responsible decision making by demonstration and not lecturing, we would have won the battle.
So, as long as there is a young mind, there will be threats: lets work on long term preparation than engaging in a sudden,transient knee jerk reaction to each new situation now and then.
Mental illness can it self be quite impairing and in some cases incapacitating, in the manner that it prohibits or prevents an individual from engaging effectively into the social and occupational spheres of life. This may happen during the active illness state or even with some residual symptoms of the illness despite adequate treatment, which can be quite challenging and also discouraging for a treating Psychiatrist.
Howsoever, most of the times what is even more discouraging for a Psychiatrist or a Therapist is the imminent, unjustified and unscientific stigma attached to the mentally ill which severely limits an individual’s participation into the society despite complete recovery from the illness. Sometimes, this stigma is even more impairing than the illness itself. Whether its finding work again, making friends or finding a life partner, everything is much more difficult. Rigid beliefs about mentally ill, critical comments, discrimination, poor support (even) from the loved ones make matters extremely difficult.
Only if, the society can provide the mentally ill with some rights, faith and respect, everyone can contribute to the society in multiple ways and lead a life full of dignity, productivity and happiness.
Dr Sugandha Gupta delivering a talk and interacting with the staff at punjab National Bank, Rajenrdra Place branch, New Delhi on the topic of “stress & mental health – 10th July 2017
Worldwide prevalence of depression is almost 322 million, which means that around us, amongst our own loved ones there are people suffering from this tormenting disease. Yet, we are unable to identify their suffering (people tend to hide it well as depression is a sign of emotional weakness) or are unable to discuss this with them (lack of our own awareness. abilities & limitations).
Howsoever, it has been found in studies that talking to some one about one’s emotional difficulties not only provides immediate support but also inculcates a long term sense of control, confidence & hope.
We don’t need to do much, just provide a patient, compassionate, non judgmental and reflective listening. Impart a sense of adequacy, channelize thoughts and emotions in a positive direction and provide hope.
So, this World Health Day, let’s come out of our closets, open up our minds & free our souls of the sufferings – let’s talk!
PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST AID:
GOOD COMMUNICATION:
THINGS TO SAY & DO
1. Try to find a calm place, free of distractions to talk to.
2. Be patient & calm.
3. Show that you are listening – nod and make eye contact.
4. Stay close, but keep a comfortable distance as a person who has undergone a recent traumatic experience may feel threatened.
5. Provide correct & factual information. If the information is not available – ‘admit & assure to find it out as soon as possible’
6. Give information in the simplest way possible.
7. Acknowledge his pain & suffering.
8. Acknowledge his strengths & capabilities
9. respect their privacy, maintain confidentiality.
PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST AID:
GOOD COMMUNICATION:
THINGS NOT TO SAY & DO
1.Do not pressurize for information.
2. Do not interrupt o rush someone’s story.
3. Don’t give your opinions of the person’s situation
4. Don’t judge what they have or haven’t done- don’t say-“you are lucky to have survived…”
5. Don’t tell someone else’s story
6. Don’t tell about your own troubles.
7. Don’t make false promises.
8. Don’t feel you have to solve all the person’s problems.
9. Don’t take away their sense of capability and strength.
